The truth.
Kepada hati yang berantakan,
Semoga kau temui jalan pulang,
Playing Sweet Heat Lightning by Gregory Alan Isakov while writing this in solitude of the dark.
2024 so far?
On surface, it was A-okay.
But,
On a deeper level, I'm still adapting and growing day by day. Life goes on with or without anyone and things that I learned the hard way made me who I am today. Which also took me long enough to learn those lessons. I wouldn't ask for more, I wouldn't beg for different situations and I wouldn't want it any other way. I loved how things turns out and this year seems to be about appreciating life's journey and building connections with my surroundings.
However, I have my bad days too. Sometimes, I feel exhausted for absolutely no reason. You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, right? I had to pick myself up every time but most of the time I just lay in the ocean floating and let it take me wherever it wants. When I feel okay, I will wake up. The ocean makes the voices in my head calms. Sometimes I spend way too much time floating; I couldn't find my way out and ended up drifting further than I intended, lost in my thoughts.
Honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. Surviving adulting is the most struggling thing ever and I know there's people out there struggling more than I am today. You wouldn't be success if you never failed and you wouldn't be so tough if you never learn.
Heart battered and bruised.
Yet, I gather all the hope,
For all the strength I've never refused.
Which one is worse?
Short term pain where you have to let go and heal but at the end of it your life will be much more fulfilling or,
Long term pain where you're stuck in a cycle with someone that makes your life completely miserable.
Let it be your current job, friendship or relationship. You choose.
"If you get on the wrong train, be sure to get off at the first stop. Because the longer you stay on that train the more expensive your return trip is going to be."
It is about learning to walk away from something that drains you before the cost become overwhelming.
But sometimes, you don't realize you're on the wrong path until it's too late, right?
We loved innocently and blindedly.
Until they've done you wrong, you still chose to stay.
All the disrespects, you were still kind.
But maybe this year I always put myself first. Too much of myself.
Loving myself and prioritizing myself.
That I failed to see the good things people did to me.
Maybe I was hurting? Maybe I was just plain blind.
Loving myself means walking away from anything that makes me doubt my value no matter how much I loved that person but somehow I failed to do that.
I stayed and I chose to fix things.
Loved that person too much that even they hurt me I tried to understand them.
Let it be my friendships and relationship.
And suddenly, I am no longer the wanna fix things person.
You have problem with me? YOU tell me and we fix things. Don't expect me to read your mind and text you asking what is up.
You wanna leave silently? By all means, please go. If I ever the toxic person in your life, please leave me because I'd do the same. I won't ask why if it means giving you peace.
You wanna give up on us? Sure. Nobody's forcing you. Not me.
Make decisions that suits your convenient and that gives you pleasure and that makes you sleep at night cos at the end of the day it's your journey to navigate.
Life's too short to live for others.
I never let anyone or anything consume me anymore.
And that's how I master detachment.
By then you can finally sarcastically roast life's absurdities.
.
.
.
2024 has yet to end,
Semoga apa yang jadi tahun ini diselangkan dengan perkara yang lebih baik.
Syukur tuhan jauhkan aku daripada engkau, dan engkau daripada aku.
Mungkin itu yang terbaik untuk kita.
Let it be friendships or relationship.
You left, make sure you stay in 2024.
So, here's hoping we never collided.
Even if the road decides it's time for our path to cross again.
And,
If you're going through the same thing, I pray Allah SWT eases your pain.
Also,
I'm proud of myself of how I handled things this year.
Learned to manage things yourself when you have no choice.
Showing up while you are broken when you had to.
Whatever it is, I will carry the load even if it means cracking my shoulder because I will have to.
It won't be easy now, but it will later.
"It will cost you the old you to be who you are today"
Let go, let them and let it be.
Life is easier this way.
Alhamdulilah for everything.
To more adventurous life,
D.
Comments
Post a Comment